Obama, the Used Car Salesman

by Tom Wise

For a long time, I've wondered what it is about Barack Obama's speech pattern that drives me crazy, but finally I have it figured out. It's the clipped nature by which he peddles his soap. It's the characteristic head and eye movements, the sincere and confident manner in which he relates his superficial feelings. There is a motive behind his every move. Who else, I asked myself, behaves in this way? A used car salesman. A very GOOD used car salesman.

"Let me tell you about this medicine. It can cure cancer... it can restart the economy.. it can provide immigrants with security." Basically, he is a snake oil guy, the precursor to the used car salesman. He is the itinerant merchant rattling through town in his covered wagon full of outdated and dangerous panaceas. He'll tell you whatever you want to hear so that you'll line up for the patent tomfoolery.

He is a huckster. A circus barker, yelling at passersby to come see the bearded lady, the two-headed cow, the mermaid. If only you will give him a thin dime, he will provide you with a lifetime's worth of enjoyment.

He is like the televangelist who promises you a thousand dollars return from God for every dollar you send to his ministry. "If only you would have faith, there would be a miracle in your life!" There is an urgency to it, that only what is in the pocket of the magician can alleviate this crisis.

He is a manipulator. He says, "Love me!" and he means it. He is bereft of love in his life. Motherless, fatherless, even without a country, Obama seeks approval from the teeming masses he actually despises. In return for your love, he will make unemployment carry on forever, the skies clean, and the sea levels diminish. "If you love me, you have to make sure Congress passes this bill!" It doesn't matter which bill he means, it's all about him, isn't it?

Will you receive anything from the hustler? Do you believe the words of the gigolo, who provides fake love for real money? Why do you want to make Obama feel loved anyway? Is he such a poor waif that he requires such things? After all, he resides in the White House and you... well, you...

He has a job, a family, a pension. Do you? What is it that Obama lacks? What does the Bernie Madoff of politics need that you, the victim, can or should willingly give? If you knew Madoff was a crook, would you ever invest in his ideas? Then why would you believe in the pipe-dreams of Obama?

Obama is like a crack addict, an alcoholic, telling you he will use your money to buy a suit so he can get a job, or that he will honestly get a hot meal. You can trust him, can't you? After all, just because all other politicians are bums, street tramps, that doesn't mean this urchin is cut from the same cloth, does it?

You are a fool, a mark, a patsy, waiting to be hoodwinked by talk of headwinds, external catastrophes, and past histories inherited. You are to be sympathetic to the plight of this poor unfortunate who just happened to enter the White House, by no effort of his own. His lot is bad luck. We ought to feel sorry for the man, give him a break, as he said!

We should applaud his efforts in the midst of adversity, as a retarded child who can put on his own clothes. His standards must be lowered so that he can feel right, have self-esteem, walk tall. We ought not mock the challenged, but keep silent as he walks into walls. It matters not that our economy is sinking, or that our war efforts are reaping only more hatred against America - we need to keep marching to the drum of the lowest common denominator.

President Obama is a leaf in the wind, not responsible for his results, his fate sealed by cruel destiny. It's not his fault, and don't blame him! It's a mess created by Congress, by Republicans, by talk show hosts, by smears. If only they would leave him alone, he could concentrate on his job.

And, hey, now that you know his story, "What will it take to get you into a Chevy Volt?"