My Choices for 2012

by Tom Wise

President: Michelle Bachmann. I believe Bachmann is strong, principled and conservative but not a religious zealot, a neo-con or a phony. Also, the country is ready for a female President. Why not Sarah Palin instead? I don't think the ex-guv understands Congress well enough.

Minus: Bachmann's a representative but, hey, so is Ron Paul.

Vice President: Chris Christie. I would make Christie President but he says he hasn't enough experience. Christie's keen insight and time spent as Governor would be valuable when advising the President, and he would make a good substitute in a crisis. As Vice-President, Christie would make a good speech and strong-arm with the best of 'em.

Secretary of the Treasury: Ron Paul. Paul is single-minded on one issue, the Federal Reserve, and has been for decades. He'll keep our currency sound, our interest rates logical, and Wall Street on a straight though capitalist road. Why not President? For starters, he's pretty frail.

Secretary of the Interior: Sarah Palin. Former governor of the largest state in the nation, Sarah knows oil, natural gas, wildlife, and national parks. Pro-business but won't pander to corporate manipulations.

Secretary of State: Donald Trump. At first blush, you might say this is foolhardy but think about it. Trump already has much experience with international affairs, especially as it concerns free trade. He loves the limelight and has a pretty, foreign-born wife. Perfect.

Secretary of Defense: Jesse Ventura. Former Navy Seal, mayor, Governor, pro wrestler, and action movie star. Distrusts executive power. An isolationist who can see the pros and cons of imperialism. I think he'd work well with Ron Paul and even Donald Trump.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio. He knows the border like the back of his hand and he treats the issue fairly and firmly. I believe he would bring a common-sense approach to all things immigration and terrorism, including the management of TSA security.

Secretary of Commerce: Bobby Jindal. Governor of a key state at the mouth of the Mississippi River, hub of the Gulf of Mexico, heavily involved in oil and gas production. Fair-minded, calm, sensible.

Secretary of Labor: Herman Cain. The Secretary of Labor is basically a position with much to see and little to do. It has also become a chamber in which union leaders (read: Socialists) have attempted to usurp entrepreneurial freedom by governmental intervention. Subjects such as minimum wage and discrimination are actually better served through a free market. However, Cain might be just the right mix of experience and toughness to change the overall message.

Attorney General: Me. Though never a lawyer, I have the right attributes: observation, extrapolation, and the gift of gab. Concerning Communists, we have been allowing them to attempt overthrow or destruction of our government. These would be removed from every office of government, and all sedition of this type would be brought to trial. Concerning Islam, I would change the methods used to contain this radicalism in our country. Profiling is the most effective method and inconveniences the least number of innocent people. I would close Guantanamo. Concerning the CIA, I would force transparency so that our intervention in foreign affairs would be minimized (not eliminated). Concerning organized crime, I would aggressively initiate raids into all manner of mafias, using the resources of the FBI. This would include securing the Southwest states from Mexican incursions; on this, I would work with Defense and Homeland Security. Concerning graft, there are several areas which need scrutiny, reform, and prosecution: (1) lobbying to members of the federal government, (2) banking, (3) corporate accounting practices. I think you get the picture.

Secretary of Agriculture: Empty. I would dissolve this position. Forestry is better served under Secretary of the Interior. Food safety is for Homeland Security and the Attorney General. Most agriculture ought to be self-fulfilling, through the marketplace. Where it concerns monopolies and agri-business, I think the Commerce Department and Attorney General should handle such affairs. Perhaps I'm being hasty but this is the way I see it.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Empty. Local and state social services make a difference. This federal position, however, attempts to micro-manage these smaller organizations, as if one person at the top knows what's best for everybody's health and well-being. Lately, this office has been used to force such issues as socialized medicine and forced vaccines.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Empty. Another office which usurps local authority. The misinterpretation of this position as coercive home ownership for the poor and minorities has caused forced and mismanaged public housing, bad blood between landlords and tenants, and (wait for it) the current crisis from the creation of a housing bubble. Again, the free market is better than central control.

Secretary of Energy: Empty. Concerning natural resources, the Secretary of the Interior should be in charge. Concerning alternative technology, the free market is capable.

Secretary of Education: Empty. The standardization of education is a usurpation of local authority and an ignorance of local needs. Furthermore, this has become an office bent on mandating union power rather than effective teachers. A failure in all aspects.

Secretary of Veteran Affairs: Empty. Again, the standardization of these affairs is a usurpation of local authority and an ignorance of local needs. I agree that US Armed Forces veterans deserve benefits and assistance but this office has not met its expectation.

Secretary of Transportation: Anybody. Created by Lyndon Johnson (who initiated many of these positions), much of the duties herein should be under the purview of Commerce and Homeland Security. The FAA is a reasonable agency, so this Secretary isn't totally useless.